Know Your Enemy

I’m dealing with a moral dilemma and need some advice.

The other day, a warning light flashed on my dashboard. We drive a fairly new electric car, so I couldn’t imagine what was wrong. But my mechanic knew right away. “Your car is just a battery on wheels. So, it’s probably the wires.”

Sounds easy to fix. But…no.  

Apparently, I live among desert animals that love to crawl around car engines at night. They chew through the wires and can total a car. Something Tucson’s chamber of commerce failed to mention.

So, I did some research on how to keep critters from destroying my car. Some folks lay strips of blinking lights underneath their cars. Others spray their engine with funky odors and prop open their car hoods.

I’ve tried everything – nothing works. It seems those little buggers just like to chew.

After poking around my car, the mechanic asked, “are you an Uber driver? Because you’re driving with a passenger. There’s a small bunny living in your car, tucked waaay in the back. That’s who’s eating your wires. The problem is, we can’t get him out.”

Six hundred dollars later, I feel like Bill Murray in Caddyshack, trying to outsmart gophers.

Here’s my dilemma. I’m determined to make that cute rodent pay. My neighbor traps and drowns them. But I can’t bring myself to be that cruel. My mechanic can extract the bunny. But it won’t end well.

So, I’m torn. After all, Mr. Fluffy doesn’t realize that he’s costing me grief and money.

I’m thinking we should build a garage before our cars get devoured. So the race is on.

Take that you bastards.

Beau Phillips is President of Rainmaker Media. 
He’s a creative marketing consultant, strategist and speaker.
Reach him at 203-256-9347 

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