Dear friends, we’re gathered here to bury corporate buzzwords. Those annoying, pretentious catch-phrases that seep into every meeting. The cute lines that confuse, more than clarify.
It’s time we push back on idea showers and babble-speak.
Stop the madness and just say what you mean!
Here’s My Take. Let’s wipe out corporate lingo in our lifetime. Starting with:
Multi-tasking: We’re dumping this project on you
Sweet spot: A mythical goal, a unicorn
Leverage our position: Put their balls in a vise
Customer-centric: We focus on the wrong things, but used alliteration
Low-hanging fruit: You’re missing obvious opportunities
Give 110%: Be best
Build consensus: Ask around, are you good with this?
Let’s have a tag-up: You’re blowing it. Call me
Decided to pivot: Competitors are giving us a wedgie
Working in silos: Teamwork, people. Don’t be assholes
Take that off-line: Make your point, or shut up
Revisit later: Put this on the back burner. Forever.
Mission critical: Here’s your top priority. Forget what I said last week
Thought leader: What to call your boss if you’re up for a raise
Rightsizing: We’re firing people, but gave it a clever spin
Leverage synergies: Start looking for a new job
Risk averse: You’re too chicken, grow a pair
Strategic thinking: We’re totally lost, got any ideas?
Negative growth: We’re losing money. But used the word ‘growth’
Stick to core competency: We’ll be closing a division
Paradigm shift: We’ll be closing several divisions
Get lean and mean: No raises. Forget about vacations
Attack the straw man: Nobody’s sure what this means
At the end of the day: All that matters is the next sentence